What to Do When a Friendship Ends

Friendship plays an important role in your life. It can provide someone to confide in, a helpful person to give advice, and equally important, a person to have fun with as you walk through life. That’s why it feels so hard when a friendship ends.

The end of a friendship is a loss in your life. Whether the relationship ended because of an issue that came up or simply because life circumstances changed, there is still a loss when the person you were friends with is no longer part of your daily life.

To better understand what to do when a friendship ends, we must first address why they end.

Why Do Friendships End?

Friendships can end for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes the reason a friendship ends is clear. Maybe there was a disagreement that caused a rift between you that you were unable to reconcile. Or maybe it was a big move that put distance between you, making it hard to continue to stay in one another’s lives regularly. These types of situations offer a clear reason you can identify. Other times, however, the reason isn’t as clear.

If you have a bad friendship, where one person dominates the relationship or there are unhealthy boundaries, it can result in the relationship burning out. The exact reason may not be clear until some time passes and you can recognize the problem areas of the friendship.

Life changes have a way of shifting friendships as well. Some friendships weather those changes and evolve, while other friendships simply fade away. Examples of such situations may include:

• one friend getting married while the other is single
• kids getting older, resulting in less time together at school functions and sports
• a job change that means no more workday lunches or common things to talk about
• a friend having a baby, creating less available time to get together
• one friend changing churches

There are so many changes that can happen in life resulting in changes in relationships. Sometimes, there is no apparent reason. Friends simply grow apart. No matter why a friendship ends, there can still be good that came from that relationship.

Types of Friendships

In life, you will experience different types of friendships. A common mistake people make is thinking all friendships are the same, therefore they should look and feel the same. Every friendship is unique and offers something different in your life.

Psychology Today describes seven main types of friendships you will encounter in your life:

Lifelong friends: These friendships begin early in life and are faithfully constant throughout your life, even if you experience some shifts. They are there for the long haul.

Best friends: This is a friend you consider closer than most other relationships in your life. You are willing to confide in one another and you have fun together.

Close friends: These are friends that know about important parts of your life, and you spend a lot of time with.

Social group friends: People you are friendly and connect with in social settings on a semi-regular basis.

Activity friends: You have a connection with these friends that surrounds an activity like a book group, a sport, or a church.

Friends of convenience: These are the people that you connect with that are easy and obvious connections due to your daily routines. They could be carpool buddies, neighbors, or parents of your kid’s friends.

Acquaintance friends: People you see regularly and are friendly, but don’t share personal life details with. Examples can include people at work, people you meet at the dog park, or service people.

As you look at this list, think about the friendships in your life. Whom would you put into each category? It is important to note that you do not have to have friends in each of these categories, and you may find that your friendships overlap categories. That’s okay. Friendship is not a static relationship.

There are even times when a friendship may change. For example, someone who was a friend from the dog park may become someone you invite to church. While there, you may get to know them more resulting in a close friendship that all started as an acquaintance.

These categories simply help you understand the different ways people fit into your life.

When a Friendship Ends

Now that you understand the different ways people connect within your life, it is time to talk about the hard part. What happens when a friendship is over? How do you cope with the end of that relationship?

It is common to address the ending of romantic relationships, but friendship is often overlooked. That doesn’t make it any less difficult. When you find yourself facing the end of a friendship it is important to think about how you will get through that loss. Whether it was a bad friendship, one that ended abruptly with a great deal of drama, or a friendship that simply faded away, there are things you can do to cope with the loss.

Remember that friendships are for a season.

When you think about the end of a friendship it is important to remember that everything, even relationships, is seasonal. We rarely start our lives with a relationship that lasts until our last days on earth. Instead, we find ourselves facing seasons with each relationship just as is described in Ecclesiastes.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. – Ecclesiastes 3:1, ESV

The chapter goes on to list the seasons of life like death, dancing, building, and more. While friendship isn’t listed specifically, the first verse makes it clear: (there is) “a time for every matter under heaven.” That includes friendships.

Take some time to consider how God used that friend in your life. Think about what season you may have been in and what type of friendship it was. Losing an acquaintance is certainly not as difficult as losing a close friend or best friend.

Spend time thinking about the season of your friendship and how God used that relationship for a season of your life.

Talk to God about the lost friendship.

It is important to bring everything to God, not just what you consider the “big” things. The loss of an important friend is a loss in your life. Talk to God about it. Tell Him how you feel. He is there to listen to you, comfort you, and give you wisdom as you walk through this change.

When you talk to God ask Him to reveal anything you need to see about the friendship. There may be something you need to repent for. If so, take the time and repent. Then be sure to accept God’s full and immediate forgiveness.

Also, ask God if there is anything you need to forgive. As He leads, take the time to forgive your friend in your heart with the same grace God offers you.

If God leads you to have a conversation with the person to ask for forgiveness, follow His lead and trust Him. He will help you as you walk through that. It may not save the friendship, but it can still be an important step in healing for both of you.

Be grateful for the friendship.

In your loss it may be hard to think about being grateful, however, this is where you experience healing. As you take these steps and think about the good things the friendship offered you, the blessings you experienced, and the gifts of the season of your friendship, you will find you can walk forward with joy, even as you experience loss. Gratitude is the path to healing.

Final Thoughts

Walking through the loss of a friendship is difficult but you don’t have to do it alone. Our therapists are here to help you process the loss and learn how to move forward with hope. Contact us today and we will connect you with a therapist that can help.