The Power of Words and Dealing with Broken Relationships

The nineteenth-century English author Edward Bulwer-Lytton is often credited for the saying “The pen is mightier than the sword,” expressing the power of words. The sentiment behind these words is that words are powerful, and indeed they can be more powerful than weapons of war. While a weapon can silence a foe, words can be used to persuade them to your cause. Words can be immensely powerful in everyday life, and that includes our relationships with others — even when dealing with broken relationships.

The power of words

There are many passages in Scripture that point to the fact that words are powerful. From the very first pages of the Bible, we see God in Genesis 1 creating by speaking, bringing something out of nothing, and then shaping, forming, and filling His world with beautiful things through His words. People, being made in God’s image, are given authority to care for the world around them (Genesis 1:26-28).

On a smaller scale, in our own way, we reflect the Lord and His capacity to create with His words. Writers, poets, singers, orators, and many others who use words in their work can also be creative, moving people to action or deeper reflection. Through their words, moms can generate enthusiasm in their children to get their chores done promptly. Words can inspire joy, dreams, imagination, and so much more.

While Scripture speaks about the many ways our words can build others up (Ephesians 4:29), bring healing to others (Proverbs 12:18), and praise God (Psalm 35:28), it is also quite candid about the nefarious uses to which we can put our words. We can use our words to deceive others (Psalm 34:13; Psalm 109:2; Jeremiah 9:5), to slander others (Psalm 15:3), for plotting the destruction of others (Psalm 52:2), to speak foolishness (Proverbs 15:2), and more.

Our words can have a deep and profound impact on us and the people around us. With our words, we can emotionally and mentally abuse others, whether that’s through manipulation, gaslighting, trying to control them, humiliating them, constantly criticizing them, or belittling them. Our words are powerful, and they can do damage, or be used to bring glory to God and help others to flourish.

In the letter of James, James describes the tongue as “a fire, a world of unrighteousness” (James 3:6, ESV). He goes on to say that the tongue “is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it, we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing” (James 3:8-10, ESV). It ought to give us pause in how we choose to use our words.

The power of words and broken relationships

It’s easy to see how our communication can help or hinder the flourishing of our relationships. If your words to your partner or children are marked by anger and resentment, for example, that can damage those relationships in several ways. On account of the words one uses, the relationship can either become a place of safety and health, or it can become unsafe and inhospitable to others.

Broken relationships can happen because of our words. Sometimes it’s a case of poorly timed words; instead of keeping silent, we spoke too soon. In other situations, breaching someone’s trust by sharing a confidence is what breaks trust in the relationship. In yet other situations being too emotionally involved with someone in a way that amounts to emotional infidelity can also damage a relationship. Not offering support when it’s needed also causes issues.

Just as words can break down a relationship, they can also be used to bring healing. This includes being willing to apologize when you make a mistake. It also includes using questions to patiently explore what the other person is thinking and feeling. A useful skill to possess is the ability to restrain ourselves and refrain from speaking so that the other person can speak. That ability to listen is at the heart of empathetic and effective listening.

Using your words also means being willing to speak up for yourself. This includes the ability to set and protect healthy boundaries so that you’re treated respectfully and to ensure that your needs are also met. These boundaries could include how you want to use your free time, what you consider healthy touch, or the amount of access you grant to others over your bank or social media accounts.

Conclusion

How we use the power of words is absolutely vital in how we conduct relationships. They alert others of our thoughts, hopes, and dreams. They can inform them when we need help or space. They can communicate support and affection. Take the time to reflect on your own words – do you use them to build yourself and others up, or do they mostly tear people down?

You can do this reflection work on your own, or you can reach out to someone like a counselor for help. The faith-based counselors at our location are ready to guide you to better communication in your relationships. Contact our office today.