Self-Development or Self-Centeredness?

Is self-improvement a selfish endeavor? To be honest, “yes” and “no.” When only considering the short term, the answer is “yes,” but when considering the long term, the answer is “no.” The ultimate goal of self-development is you being your best self, which is better for everyone around you, not just for you. While prioritizing your personal growth may initially appear to be a little selfish, this is not the case.

Self-centeredness vs. self-development

Everyone goes through stages of development in life where they become self-centered. When they are hungry or wet, babies cry. They do not take into account when it would be best for their caregivers to change or feed them.

Naturally and appropriately, babies are self-centered. Their brains aren’t developed enough for them to weigh other people’s needs against their own. As they mature, they come to understand that others have their own needs and that they are not the center of the universe.

However, some individuals remain trapped in this earlier, self-centered stage of development. Although they are adults physically, they have not internally matured. They continue to believe that they are the only ones who matter and that the needs of others aren’t as valid or significant as their own.

As a result, those who are self-centered lack emotional maturity because emotional maturity requires the capacity to understand the viewpoint of others. In other words, lacking emotional maturity rather than having too much self-esteem is what causes one to be self-centered.

12 Characteristics of a Self-Centered Person

Here are twelve characteristics of self-centered people:

1. They are constantly defending themselves.

They do not view the world through the eyes of another person. They would rather take a personal perspective and do everything in their power to preserve their reputation and flaws.

2. They lack a broad perspective.

A self-centered person believes that they are the center of the universe. As a result, from their perspective, the world is made up of them and possibly a small number of people they can control. They don’t care about other people’s experiences in the world.

3. They are intimidating.

“Should” and “must” are words they frequently use. Because they see relationships as a means of achieving their goals and elevating themselves to a position of prominence, they strive to dominate in all relationships.

4. They encounter times of insecurity.

They are not whole. There is always something missing from their world. And they might try to use you to close those gaps.

5. They constantly believe they are better than other people.

It is almost impossible for other people to live up to their standards because they are so preoccupied with their own world and self-image. They continue to have a superiority complex, which frequently causes them to underestimate others.

6. They see friendships as a means of achieving their goals.

Don’t assume that they are too worried about your friendship with them. They view friends as resources for obtaining their goals, which explains why they have so many friends and are not overly concerned with the number of friends they have.

7. They have strong opinions.

It’s always about what they think. They don’t want to take other people’s viewpoints into account because they are too preoccupied with maintaining their own point of view, self-image, desires, and preferences.

8. They don’t maintain relationships over time.

They do not have lasting or good relationships because their relationships are based on quantity and use others as resources to achieve their goals.

9. They don’t understand empathy.

It is challenging for them to comprehend the depth of true empathy or what this concept means because their expression of sympathy or compassion is typically conditional.

10. They cloak their insecurities in a success facade.

The truth is that they will always feel insufficient internally, regardless of the level of success they achieve. Based on outward appearances and accomplishments, they may come across as successful or self-assured, but on the inside, they may struggle with self-esteem issues.

11. They minimize other people.

Constructive criticism is acceptable, but conceited people always go too far and use criticism as a tool to denigrate others.

12. They are sometimes haughty.

This is a result of their sense of importance and superiority over everyone else. A self-centered individual is frequently egotistical.

Keeping the goal of self-development in mind

It may be necessary for you to spend some time alone when you concentrate on yourself to advance personally. The ultimate aim is to have a meaning that goes beyond the self, so this isolation should be seen as temporary.

Thinking like a champion

For instance, it’s common knowledge that Olympic athletes lose touch with friends and family as their training intensifies to place on the podium. The Olympian’s “self-centeredness” is what’s putting stress on their relationship. Friends of the athlete who are not also athletes might find it challenging to comprehend the absolute focus needed for success at the highest level.

However, the athlete is aware of what is necessary and is inspired by their coaches to put excellence first. In this case, due to a lack of understanding, the athlete might even experience exclusion from those closest to them. The athlete, however, must take the necessary steps to realize their goals; they cannot afford to become bogged down by the unrealistic expectations of others.

Self-centeredness is necessary for self-development, at least initially. The long-term advantages, however, should be much more altruistic. A generation of athletes and non-athletes alike might be motivated to pursue their dreams if the athlete were to win a gold medal, to use our previous example.

Additionally, the “hero’s journey” is over at this point, and the hero, provided no major bridges were burned, can rejoin his or her friends and family who were temporarily neglected.

Don’t let naysayers deter you

We must constantly keep in mind that being called selfish does not mean the end of the world. Even when it takes a lot of your time or feels lonely, you must remind yourself of why you are pursuing personal development.

Keeping your meaning and intention in mind will be helpful, as long as your underlying internal drive is not to win the approval of others. Self-development has enormous benefits for both the individual pursuing it and society as a whole!

An inspiration for others can come from someone who overcame challenges to become a better version of themselves. Even further, a person who prioritizes personal development grows stronger and is better able to withstand the forces that aim to bring down society.

In the end, it is the feeble-minded person who will yield to peer pressure or the mob. Each person must make sure they are not the weakest link when they look in the mirror because a chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

Use this in your self-development work

If you are still unsure of how to incorporate self-development principles into your daily life, you might want to start with small, gradual changes (assuming you are not preparing for the Olympics).

Consider spending more time on your professional development instead of going out drinking with friends on the weekends, for instance, if you are working toward a promotion at work. This can be done by enrolling in continuing education programs, reading business books, joining a coaching group for professionals, or asking a boss you look up to for advice – anything that would help you succeed at work.

At first, your friends might not be thrilled with your choice. Hopefully, they will change their minds once you land that much-desired promotion. Gaining this promotion might allow you to lead others more broadly and see your good intentions put into action.

This could be advantageous for both your business and the social impact it makes. Additionally, you require more of your friends. You are developing admirable strength during this process, which will benefit you in numerous ways.

How a therapist can help

Making these difficult decisions can be made much easier by finding a good therapist as your first step. A good therapist can assist you in developing the skills and self-assurance you’ll need for your self-development journey. In therapy, a wide range of techniques can be used. Contact us today to schedule an appointment with a counselor.