Premarital Counseling: Safeguard Your Relationship

If you have recently gotten engaged, congratulations! This is a big milestone in your life, and God certainly has great plans for you and your fiancé. Premarital counseling is one of the best things you can do to get your relationship off to a good start.

Studies show that couples who receive premarital counseling are better prepared to weather the changes and challenges of married life. When you invest in your marriage through counseling before you walk down the aisle, you honor God and each other with an intentional focus.

At Encinitas Christian Counseling, our counselors are skilled at working with engaged couples. We first look at the unique dynamics of your relationship and help you identify both strengths and weaknesses. Then we walk through the common challenges that married couples face and help you think through how you will navigate those areas as a team.

Topics to Cover in Premarital Counseling

Here is a look at the topics we’ll cover with you in premarital counseling sessions.

Your Relationship

What attracted you to each other? You may find this question easy to answer now. But it’s important to solidify your answer now, so it can ground you in the inevitable challenges to come.

We will take a close, careful look at your relationship both as individuals and as a couple in counseling sessions. Both of you bring strengths to the relationship, and both also have weaknesses. We can help you identify these areas, so you’ll be more aware as you begin married life.

As the saying goes, love is blind. Right now, you may be blinded to your fiancé’s faults, and you may be hiding some of your own. This is normal human behavior when two people are deeply in love. Premarital counseling will help you recognize those blind spots so there will be fewer surprises in the future.

The healthiest marriages start with two emotionally stable people. It doesn’t mean that you need to be perfect to be a good husband or wife. But if any areas could cause problems in the future, we will help you overcome them on an individual level to strengthen your relationship. If individual counseling sessions are needed in addition to premarital counseling, we can accommodate your needs.

For example, a woman may not see how her relationship with her absent father could present trust issues in her marriage. A man may not recognize how his driven, hardworking nature may create future problems in the time he spends with his family. A caring, compassionate Christian counselor will help you address these areas before they become marriage problems.

Your counselor will offer personality testing to discover what you both bring to the relationship. In counseling sessions, your counselor will affirm areas where you can build up your partner. You will also learn areas where you may struggle to offer your best. As you gain awareness in both areas, you will have greater self-control and be able to show more love to your future spouse.

Common Marriage Challenges

Only God knows what the future may hold for your marriage. However, in our work with many Christian couples, we have identified common areas where conflicts and challenges can arise. Here are the areas we will cover with you in premarital counseling sessions.

Handling Conflict

Most people have not learned how to handle conflict in a healthy way from their original families. When you come together as a couple, you may have two completely different styles of handling conflict. One partner may have learned to vent all feelings, while the other may have learned to sweep everything under the rug. Premarital counseling can give you the skills to handle conflict in a positive way.

Every married couple that has ever lived has faced conflict. The key to handling conflict is not to avoid it, but to use it to improve your relationship. Conflict can help you understand one another on a greater level. It can grow your ability to unconditionally love your partner. We will teach you how not to be afraid of conflict, and how not to use it as a weapon. In counseling sessions, you’ll learn how to disagree while still showing love and respect.

One of the biggest areas of conflict is simply differences in personalities. For example, introverts and extroverts commonly attract one another. At first, the differences may seem charming, but they might cause irritation and fights later down the road. Your counselor will help you foresee personality clashes and prepare for discussions that honor your partner.

Honoring Your Commitment

The facts are hard to take: Around half of all marriages end in divorce, and Christian marriages are no different from the rest. We will discuss ways you can honor your commitment to one another when times get tough.

One of the most common challenges to marriage is living as a team. Many couples allow other commitments and relationships to take priority, and as a result, they slowly drift away from one another. We can help you form a game plan for committing to one another with your time and talents.

None of us are immune to Satan’s temptations. We’ll discuss common traps he lays for both husbands and wives, so you can watch for them in your marriage. By avoiding these traps, you’ll strengthen your marriage and honor your commitment to one another.

Setting Future Goals

Right now, you may believe that you would follow your partner to the moon if that’s what he or she wanted. New love can cause us to have unrealistic ideals that can lead to problems in the future. It’s wise to discuss your future goals not only with your partner but with a Christian counselor before you get married.

In counseling sessions, we’ll discuss your perspectives on goal setting for careers, family, church, children, finances, and many other areas. Your goals will likely differ from your partner’s goals. That’s okay because you both have unique perspectives to offer in your relationship. Your counselor will help you respect where your partner is coming from, and form compromises that benefit both of you.

Cultivating Intimacy

Sex is something most couples don’t want to discuss out loud. But by doing so before you are married, you can head off many future problems in your marriage.

Your counselor will facilitate discussions about your expectations for sexual intimacy. You’ll also learn the common problems married couples face in this area, including a mismatch in the level of desire, seasons where intimacy may be more challenging, and what emotional intimacy has to do with sexual intimacy. We will also offer practical ways to help you both guard your hearts against sexual temptation.

Relationships with In-Laws

Everyone hopes to have peaceful, quality relationships with in-laws on both sides of the family. Unfortunately, this is a rare occurrence, and often couples learn about in-law hot spots during wedding preparation. Your counselor will help you leave and cleave as God designed for marriage (Genesis 2:24).

Some in-laws are overbearing and critical. These high-power individuals can wreak havoc on your marriage. We can help you identify problem areas and set boundaries against aggressive in-law behaviors. In counseling, we will role-play future situations, so you’ll be able to speak the truth in love when conflicts arise.

Other in-laws can be distant and uncommunicative. We will offer practical tips for helping you build communication skills. In some cases, we can help you grieve what cannot be and accept what your in-laws are willing to offer.

In-law issues don’t only impact the marriage ceremony and celebration. They will have a long-lasting influence on your married life, especially if you someday have children. It’s important to recognize in-law issues before you marry so you will be less likely to suffer frustration and heartache.

Finding Premarital Counseling for You

Ready to begin your premarital counseling sessions? Contact Encinitas Christian Counseling to set up your first appointment. You’ll be blessed by this time of preparation that will strengthen your marriage.