Power of Persuasion: Overcoming Codependency

While we are called to be ambassadors for Christ, we can’t take on other people’s needs and demands to the extent that we try to control them. Our good intentions can have ill effects when we misuse our influence to manipulate others. Overcoming codependency can be a difficult task, however.

While God desires that we serve, it isn’t to the extent that people come to rely on us more than seeking Savior and Source. Unknowingly, our desire to help can end up in harm. We cannot be another person’s Messiah or do what only God can in their lives (2 Corinthians 5:18, 20).

Codependency distracts attention that we should ideally turn to Jesus. We represent Christ, we don’t replace Him. The Holy Spirit has equipped us to love, serve, and pray. He does through us what we cannot do on our own. Only God draws and changes hearts.

Our codependent attempts to save or repeatedly rescue people, focus on what we desire and how we intend to make it happen. Codependency elevates our desire to be in control and take credit instead of giving God first place and the glory that is His alone.

It’s a hard truth to hear, but codependency enthrones us in the seat reserved for God. It causes us to mark ourselves as suffering servants. Trying to be all things to all people, or at least the ones we care for and try to control, results in exhaustion, resentment, and strained relationships.

We may not realize that we are manipulating them when we withhold affection or attention, engage in people-pleasing, nag, complain, bully, or guilt them. While these behaviors aren’t an exhaustive list, we can check our hearts and invite the Lord to help.

We need to consider our motives. Are we serving Him or ourselves when we exert the powers of persuasion? Are we convincing others to do what we want because it will bless them or serve our agenda concerning the best course of action?

It’s a subtle work of the adversary. We don’t realize that we are seeking to control an outcome through those who also have a vested interest and influence over the result. In all situations, we must follow the Lord, walk in love, and embrace God’s wisdom.

Our family and friends have legitimate needs and considerations. Neither they nor the Lord may have shared all of the details with us. When we insist on exerting our power in their lives, we insist on our way and persist in ignorance (1 Corinthians 13:5). We don’t operate in love. This results in more harm than good.

Our unsolicited or excessive attempts to help or remove responsibility hamper their agency, overstep boundaries, and silence the voice of the Holy Spirit who desires to minister God’s peace in the lives of those were love, overcoming codependency and other types of sin.

Next steps for overcoming codependency.

There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to see the best for people, but this may be time to pause and focus on what you need. Listen to the Lord’s Heart and follow His Spirit to receive care. If you feel exhausted by the attempts tobend others’ will, or you feel frustrated by their failure to follow your advice, it’s time to search and surrender your own heart.

Invite the Holy Spirit’s guidance as you search this site for a counselor and schedule an appointment. You will locate the support and the tools needed to repurpose your power of persuasion and overcome codependency and its toxic influence on you and those you love.