Children of Divorce: Impact of Divorce on Kids

Unless someone has ulterior motives, no one gets married with the grand plan of getting divorced. Many couples get into marriage believing that it will be forever and that they share an unbreakable bond.

Christians know that marriage is a gift from God and that He does not take divorce lightly. The sanctity of marriage is a fundamental principle of Christianity because marriage is a divine institution that a couple must make before God, not just a human construct.

Matthew 19:6 (NIV) says, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Unfortunately, however, divorce rates in the United States keep increasing each year, including among Christians.

Divorce brings with it several layers of complexity including some negative effects on the children of divorce. Given these complexities, no child should ever have to endure the effects of divorce, yet this is a reality that some children of divorce have to live and deal with.

Psychological impact of divorce

Children whose parents are divorced tend to have more psychological issues which can include:

Emotional disturbance Divorce can be quite confusing for children, particularly younger children who have no understanding of how relationships work. As a result, they may feel abandoned by the non-custodial parent. They may feel as if they have lost that parent and experience grief. Because of the uncertainty of how life without both parents under one roof will look like, children may also feel anxious and fearful of this uncertain future.

Children with an understanding of relationships sometimes blame one parent or both for the divorce. They may feel that whoever they think is responsible for the divorce did not put enough effort into avoiding the divorce. This leads to feelings of anger and resentment toward that parent.

Unfortunately, some children blame themselves for the divorce thinking that their parents divorced as a result of something that they did. This is an emotionally heavy burden for a child to carry.

Behavioral problems  Because they cannot fully express or process their feelings about the divorce, sometimes children of divorce start acting out, being aggressive to other children, or showing defiance to their parents or other authority figures. Most children take comfort in routines, familiar places, and familiar people. Unexpected changes can trigger behavioral issues. These behaviors become their outlets for the frustrations that they feel about the divorce.

Not all children of divorce will act out. Some children who were happy and bubbly before the divorce may start being withdrawn and uninterested in things they enjoyed before. They may start avoiding their friends or other social activities, showing signs of depression.

Others will exhibit regressive behaviors such as being clingy when they were independent before or start bedwetting which is out of character for them. Although these regressive behaviors can be triggered by other factors, traumatic experiences such as divorce can cause them.

Academic challenges  Children of divorce may also start struggling academically after the parents separate. This is usually caused by difficulty concentrating in class or staying focused on their schoolwork. Sometimes the decline in academic performance is noticeable and often concerning.

Physical impact of divorce

Physical symptoms can emerge from the psychological impact of divorce that can be observed in children of divorce including:

Somatic complaints  Children experiencing anxiety or highly traumatic and stressful events are susceptible to somatic complaints. They may complain of headaches, stomachaches, nausea, fatigue, or pain for which no physical cause can be identified.

Sleep disturbances  It is also common for children of divorce to experience irregular sleep patterns and difficulty sleeping. Children who used to sleep well may start finding it difficult to stay asleep resulting in poor sleep quality. Children of divorce may also start experiencing night terrors or nightmares due to the emotional issues they may be having as a result of the divorce.

Risky behaviors  Teenagers whose parents have divorced sometimes engage in risky behavior such as drinking alcohol, using drugs, or engaging in other reckless behaviors. Some may even resort to self-harm. They may view this as a way to escape the new reality of having their parents start new lives without each other.

How you can help children of divorce

The effects of divorce can alter the course of a child’s life if left unattended. Providing a supportive environment through relevant interventions such as counseling can help mitigate both the psychological and physical impacts of divorce.

If you are a child of divorce or have a child being impacted by divorce, please reach out to us at Encinitas Christian Counseling in California. We can schedule an appointment for you with a counselor in Encinitas who will help you walk through the experience and help you find coping measures to deal with trauma.