6 Effects of Passivity on Relationships

“Good things come to those who wait.” This is an amazing quote, an encouraging one.

However, sometimes, if not framed in the right context, quotes like these could be taken out to context. It does not mean that people should not act and rather wait on fate, luck, and the universe to bestow them what they wish. Unfortunately, those who think this do not take an active role in planning and working for the future or the changes they would want to see in life.

Passivity can be pervasive and damaging if not dealt with and confronted. Passivity is a behavior or personality trait characterized by a lack of proactivity in one’s life. Passive people live in a state of learned helplessness where they do not take responsibility for their lives. Encinitas Christian Counseling can help individuals recognize and overcome passivity, empowering them to take charge of their lives.

Statements like, “what will happen, will happen,” govern how they view life and relationships around them. They feel they do not have the power to change or alter any course their life takes; hence, why try?

People who live a passive life default to assigning others the responsibility to make decisions for them. This can be in big life decisions and in small matters. For example, when at a restaurant, if their companion asks what they are ordering, they may respond, “Whatever you are having.”

If this is a once-in-a-while occurrence, there is no problem. The problem comes when this type of response is the norm. They do not know how to make their own decisions, and hence, even if they do not like what the other person chooses for them, they will still go along with it.

Signs of Passivity

There are several ways to identify passivity. Firstly, if you do not take any initiative in your life or decisions, you may be living passively. You may believe you are helpless to fate and what will be, will be. Likewise, you may feel as if you live at the mercy of something greater outside your control.

Being a people pleaser, you may struggle to be decisive, try to avoid conflict, and bottle up emotions. You may lack boundaries, unable to say no to others. Equally, because you scramble for the approval of those around you, you may lack a sense of identity. Seeking validation and acceptance, you may compromise your happiness for another’s. Your fear of rejection leaves you exhausted and suffering from low self-esteem.

Effects of Passivity on Relationships

When two people are in a relationship, both parties need to show affection towards each other for it to survive and be healthy. Both need to put in the work to make the relationship a healthy one. When one partner is passive, it can create a lot of tension as the effort to plan, build, and grow will be put on the shoulders of one partner. Below are some problems that could develop in a relationship if one partner is passive:

Codependency

This is an unhealthy pairing where one partner is extremely dependent on the other and their wants, needs, and identity become enmeshed. This dynamic creates an overreliance on one partner and the passive partner lacks a sense of individual identity. They overlook their own needs, preferring to care for those of their partner always. This eventually can cause resentment and lack of fulfilment.

 Broken Communication

The passive person finds it difficult to communicate their needs, disappointments, desires, or concerns. Because of this, the relationship can be burdened by a lot of misunderstandings and unmet needs. The success of any relationship is determined by the couple’s ability to communicate with each other. When this is broken, it can cause a rift between the two that will only grow with time if the situation is not addressed.

Conflict Avoidance

Those with a passive disposition will avoid conflict at all costs. This means that they will not address anything that is distressing them, be unwilling to have hard conversations, or avoid confronting their partners about troublesome behaviors. Though this might keep the peace for a while, it creates an atmosphere of resentment and unresolved issues which can be damaging to any relationship.

Affects Intimacy

In any partnership, if one person feels like they are putting in all the work and their partner is not, it can erode intimacy. They might feel like their needs are not being met. It can also be that the passive person in the relationship, though they do not take the initiative to speak out, they also are not proactive in care for the other partner.

Power Struggles

Relationships function on healthy power dynamics. When one partner is passive, it forces the other one to be the more dominant one and to be perceived as controlling all decisions and planning. The passive partner could be perceived as lazy, uncommitted, detached, and uncaring. This imbalance leaves both feeling unseen and unfulfilled.

Perceived to lack empathy

Passive partners can come off as lacking empathy. Some do, but not all of them. When their partner is not doing well, they usually do not offer comfort. Instead, they may choose to give their partner “space,” a way of avoiding pain. Not taking the time to be present can be hurtful. It can be interpreted as a lack of love, concern, or empathy. To only engage when their partner is well can have serious consequences on the relationship.

Causes of Passivity

How someone grows to have a passive personality can be attributed to many factors. Firstly, since it can be inherited as a personality trait, it could have its roots in the genes passed on in the family.

Passivity could also result from social conditioning that promotes compliance and agreeableness. This can be from the family structure someone is brought up in or the greater cultural context they grow up in. Due to different survival factors, some communities grow up with an agreeable and passive disposition.

Learned helplessness is another term used to describe a state of passivity. This term implies that it is a behavioral response someone did not inherit but learned due to circumstances in life. An example is people who might have experienced trauma or abuse. Passivity becomes a coping mechanism for survivors to try and shield them from further harm, whether real or anticipated.

Repeated encounters with failure can sometimes cause people to be passive. When one repeatedly experiences episodes of perceived failure after hard work and effort, they might start to believe that nothing they do changes anything. Hence, why even try?

We Can Help

If you have been reading this article and you find that you or someone you love might be struggling with passivity, we are here to help. As mentioned above, it can be caused by several factors, and getting professional help will help uncover some of those causes and help in addressing its effects. Christian counseling at Encinitas Christian Counseling is available to support you in this journey, offering the guidance you need to heal and grow.

If you need to learn how to live a more intentional and assertive life, please do not hesitate to reach out to our offices. We have counselors who are trained to help you with practical tools and skills to start that journey.