Divorce in the Bible: What Do the Scriptures Say?

Things don’t always work out as planned. Despite our best intentions and after our strongest efforts, life can still find a way to fly in the face of our hopes and dreams. This is the case with the most mundane of things, but it also the case with life-altering and heartbreaking things as well. Relationships are precious to us – they give us a space to express ourselves, to be heard and seen, and to be of service to others as we help them be their best selves.

This is certainly true of marriage, and these relational connections are profoundly meaningful to us because humans are social creatures and hard-wired for relationship. Relationships are, for us, deep reservoirs of joy and fulfillment, but because we live in a broken world, they are also often spaces of profound hurt.

When approaching the issue of divorce in the Bible, it’s important to keep those two horizons in mind – how we are made to reflect God’s image, which is what draws us into relationship with others; and the fact that we live in a fallen world where the perfection that God intended for us is lacking and we feel that lack deeply.

Verses about Divorce in the Bible

The Bible is realistic about people and the situations they find themselves in. God knows the stresses and strains we endure in relationships, the unrequited affections, and the often-unrewarded work that goes into marriages.

Genesis 2:24 – the ideal (Mark 10:9)

The ideal that the Bible sets before us regarding marriage is of two people coming together and becoming one in a deeply committed union. This is supposed to be an enduring relationship that is permanent.

When asked about divorce, Jesus, in Mark 10:9 pointed back to this ideal and reminded his hearers that the concession for divorce that Moses delivered to the people of God in the Old Testament was just that, a concession. He reminded his hearers that what God intended was for a husband and wife to remain married for life.

In Genesis 2:24 and Mark 10:9, we see the meeting of those two horizons – the perfect ideal which was intended from the beginning as well as the concession that was made due to the imperfection that is in this world and us. Divorce was not the original plan, but it is a contingency that was put in place due to our hardness of heart.

By “hardness of heart” Jesus was referring to the sin that makes relationships so difficult – the unwillingness to forgive, the unwillingness to be empathetic, our inclination to be selfish and not serve others, our issues with anger and so much more that hinder the flourishing of relationships. Because of these, and we’ll get to this in a little more detail later, the dissolution of relationships had to also be managed so things didn’t get out of control.

Deuteronomy 24:1 – God makes a concession to His people

As pointed out earlier, when Moses was leading and teaching God’s people Israel, he made concessions and outlined how they would handle divorce. He outlined the process by which divorce was to be handled to make the process as orderly as possible. Reflecting the culture at the time, the process of divorce seemed to be very one-sided with the man being able to divorce the woman, but not necessarily the other way around. This is quite different from our time, where divorce proceedings can be instituted by either party.

Malachi 2:14-16– Divorce is damaging

The book of Malachi is addressed to God’s people who have gone astray and are seeking a way back to him. God challenges them and he says to them that they have not been faithful in their relationship with him and also they have not been faithful in their relationship with their spouses. God goes on to say that, “the man who hates and divorces covers his garment in violence”.

This may seem extreme, but if we call to mind that in the beginning, God said that when two people are married, they become one flesh and no one should tear them apart, the act of divorce becomes a kind of violence that shatters what was meant to be united. When people divorce, there is often fallout. This is especially so when children are involved, but it also affects the spouses themselves even if there are no children.

The reason why the Bible makes a big deal about divorce is for the same reason that it makes a big deal about marriage. When God speaks of himself and his relationship with his people, he often uses the image of a husband and a wife. He has chosen his people and he has made vows to them which he will not break.

This idea of God as a bridegroom and his people as his bride persists throughout the entirety of the Bible from the beginning through the New Testament to the last book of the Bible, Revelation.

The “mystery” of marriage, as Paul says in Ephesians 5:32, is that human marriage is meant to be an echo and a reflection of God’s relationship with his people. Even though God’s people may be wayward, and they go astray, God remains committed to us and continues to pursue us, even though we do not deserve it.

The Gospels – Jesus points back to Genesis but makes a concession (Mt 19:8-9)

As noted earlier, when Jesus was asked about divorce, he pointed his hearers back to Genesis and emphasized the permanence of the marriage union, reminding them that it was because of the hardness of heart of the Israelites that Moses gave concessions for divorce. Curiously, Jesus then goes on to give an exception, one of several that we find in the Bible.

He says that except for sexual immorality, divorce is not an option. Some have noted that sexual immorality so deeply invades the intimate space of the marriage that it violates the bond. This may be the case, but the important thing is that while acknowledging the intended permanence of the marriage bond, Jesus makes an exception to this in light of human sinfulness.

The Epistles – Paul’s exception for abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:12-13)

The other exception that we find is brought out by Paul in his letter to the Christians at Corinth. While highlighting the value of marriage, he also points out that a Christian might be married to someone who is not a believer. If that believer chooses to leave the relationship, for whatever reason, then the believer is not to be held accountable for their spouse’s departure.

Sometimes, when marriages are experiencing strain, one person wants to stick to it and work on the relationship while the other chooses to head for the exit. You can’t compel an unbeliever to remain in the relationship if they choose to leave. But what Paul seems to be suggesting or getting at is that no Christian should be the instigator.

One of the horizons we pointed to is the deep-rooted sin in the world and in us. Some relationships are deeply toxic, with verbal, emotional, and physical abuse and other patterns of behavior that are unacceptable. Wisdom would suggest that separating or moving away from such a situation while the underlying issues are being worked upon is healthy.

Getting individual and couples therapy during such a period of separation to heal the breach and restore the relationship is a wise course of action. If the relationship cannot be salvaged and divorce is the result, at least a serious attempt has been made.

The basic principle that emerges from the bigger picture of a biblical marriage is that every wise effort should be made to preserve a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever and that a decision to divorce should not be made lightly.

If both partners are believers, both should recognize that divorce only permitted for the exceptions detailed by Jesus and Paul and that divorce under any other circumstances is sinful. Christians should be willing to work hard at being reconciled, recognizing the high value that God places on the marriage covenant.

Conclusion

In a fallen world, divorce is a prevalent reality. The biblical vision of marriage makes its ideas about divorce seem jarring in our world where no-fault divorce is an option that many take advantage of. It wasn’t the original plan, but the Bible makes specific concessions for when divorce can occur.

God’s intention is for married people to stay married. That does not mean that there is no room for divorced persons in God’s family, or that godly people may not find themselves getting divorced. Though it’s changing, for a long time the church was unwelcoming towards divorcees.

This lack of compassion added strain to an already painful situation. As he demonstrates in the book of Hosea, if God can love and forgive Israel whom he describes as a faithless wife, then his mercy and grace are big enough to reach all of us.